Living with Yourself

Throughout life we relate to different people who enter and leave our world. With some we get along better than with others, and it may even happen that we come to hate some of them, but we always have the option to distance ourselves from them. If we suddenly stop getting along with a friend, we stop seeing them and that's it. If the relationship with a coworker isn't as cordial as it should be, sooner or later we end up changing jobs or distancing ourselves from that person. Although it's more traumatic, we can also come to hate our partner, but there's always the option to end the relationship and go our separate ways. There are even cases of siblings, parents and children who stop speaking and break the unbreakable family bond over all kinds of disagreements. However, there is one person we cannot separate from so easily—ourselves.

If we cannot stand ourselves, we have a problem, because the escape route or separation option doesn't work in this case. Wherever we go, we will carry ourselves with us, and if that means suffering, only such inadvisable solutions as suicide offer us a quick way out.

This is why learning to know ourselves, accept ourselves, and love ourselves are such important tasks for growing as people. We are condemned to come to terms with ourselves.

Many of us don't get along with ourselves often, and even though many times in unconscious ways, there are quite a few individuals who feel genuine hatred and contempt toward themselves. Self-harming and self-destructive behaviors that stem from certain attitudes generate tons of unnecessary suffering every day. But the law does not punish self-harm, so in this matter we are fully responsible for our situation.

How many times have you caught yourself scolding or insulting yourself? How many times do you reproach yourself for things at the end of the day? Do you treat yourself with kindness in your inner dialogue? Are you aware that the levels of reproach and demand you place on yourself would hardly be tolerated by a third party? And that if you spoke to or addressed another person the way you address yourself, that person would probably end up despising you and considering you a despot?

Beginning to make peace with yourself, to know, understand and accept yourself is a habit that at first glance seems advisable. That doesn't mean we should abandon our interest and ambition to improve in every way, but to win over a person it's always easier to do so from a place of affection—so that person feels loved—and that includes ourselves. Any attempt to improve will have a more solid foundation if we are free from the anxiety of knowing we are being judged, criticized, and condemned by ourselves, and we have the assurance that if we fail, we will have our forgiveness and unconditional support. Like almost everything worthwhile in this life, it is neither easy nor quick (nor necessarily comfortable), but if we consider that we must live with ourselves until the end, the reward is well worth getting to work on it. Besides, we have all day to practice.